Update on Mom

Many of you have asked for an update on my Mom.  She has handled this round of chemo better than the others but is still having complications.  Her fluid retention is a constant hassle.  She eats ok but not enough to gain weight so when she gains two pounds she has to contact her doctor to make sure that the fluids aren't building up around her heart and lungs again.  We don't ever want to see that 30 pounds build up again.  She's up about five pounds and has to go for tests today.  Hopefully all will go well.  She breathes very shallow and it is a serious problem if she doesn't work hard to gain that lung capacity back. CHF is almost as much of a problem as the cancer is.  She needs to do cardiac rehab but this hot weather makes some things really hard for her to do without someone there to make sure she is ok. 

Thanks for all your prayers.  We have treatment number five, of six total, next Monday and number six is three weeks later.  Pray for remission...and less complications from the heart attack and congestive heart failure.  Treatment six will be followed with a PET scan that will check her 'hot spots' where the lymphoma was last time.  We are hoping for the best and with stage four lymphoma Mom expects to have more treatments.  I'd love it if God just showed her his power and stunned her with remission...very cool.  She really needs to understand what God can do...in a big way!

Have a great Monday, my girls start school tomorrow...sigh.  I'm not ready yet.  How do parents get so happy about sending their kids back? Not me!

Confused by all the hype of the term 'Christian'

It seems my life has been a series of reflections lately.  I have seen good people struggle with things that truly aren't their fault.  Death, disease, ignorance, tolerance, abuse...all things that were perhaps placed in their lives by others or just the luck of the draw.  So unfair, yet their 'thing' to deal with.

Then I look at people who have choices.  Not necessaruly difficult choices, the freedom of choice we embrace as Americans, choices that disturb their lives or the lives of people that are connected to them and they chose to be unwise without regard to their circle of influence.  People have to experience pain that was never intended for them to deal with because someone else, a parent, friend, child, fellow Christian, has decided that they can do what they want when they want to do it.  Often these choices are made in the name of 'Christian' love.  It just turns my stomach.

I think it is time that we embrace what God asks of us:  feed the poor, help the needy, be ready to explain what Jesus has done for us rather than defend a weakened image of the term 'Christian'.  I've been hurt by the Christians in my life more than the non-Christians ever have.  Maybe it is because I feel the Christians should know better...God gave us an instruction book. So much of our lives are dictated by how we 'feel' rather than the thing God put in our gut to know right from wrong.  It seems that people think that the feeling of emotion is the same thing as a sign from God or a gut instinct.  Its easy to believe if you have never been taught to test the Spirit of where the 'feeling' is coming from.  We owe this world an apology as Christians for all of those who came before us with ignorance or selfish ambition and used the term Christian for personal gain or control over others.   I'd rather be known for being difficult or weird with good intentions, than to be a Christian who used the 'faith' to try to gain power in the Christian community.  Is it all about me, or Jesus?  Depends on the day sometimes, eh? That's the sad truth.  Sometimes we are so lost in our own crap we forget why we are here.  "Jesus loves me this I know, for the bible tells me so."  Simple as a child's song...the only reason I'm here right now is because Jesus loved me first.  Otherwise I wouldn't even be a blip on the radar.

Currently Reading Blue Like Jazz: Nonreligious Thoughts on Christian Spirituality By Donald Miller see related

Here we go...

Tomorrow (Sunday) I leave to go to my parent's home.  Mom will have round four of her chemotherapy Monday morning at 9 am.  I really am hopeful that this time will go better.  She is keeping a great attitude and working hard to gain strength each day.  We are having a PT come to the house to help her get her cardio strength back as well as a visiting nurse three days each week.  I'm not sure when the PT will start, soon I hope.  One day at a time, eh?

The girls and Tom are hanging in there with us and trying not to let this get them down.  Abby is disappointed that we haven't gotten to really enjoy this summer much but totally understands why I have to be with Grandma and Grandpa.  Its hard to believe that school starts in nearly two weeks. 

Thanks for the many prayers and thoughts as we continue to help Mom fight this battle.  Pray for strength, courage, endurance and especially for Mom to figure out what is holding her back in her faith.  She is a smart lady...and a tough one.

Remember what is really important today...Jill

Share Jesus...Just do it.

Funny, I was thinking about my last post when I asked the question something like, "Are you afraid people won't want to be near you if you share your faith in Jesus with them?"  I was thinking today about how far apart you will be when they don't go to Heaven. Suddenly them not wanting to be near you here is insignificant.

Pray for my parents please...every prayer matters...every single one.  Pray for all the lost.  Then love on them.

Love to you my friends!

Mom's heart attack

The course of the last week has challenged me in a way that I never could've seen coming, my Mom had a chemo treatment that led to breathing complications that occurred on our way home. We flew to the nearest ER and she ended up having a severe heart attack just after we arrived.  I used to think I was afraid of chemo...it's a piece of cake compared to a heart attack.    Mom nearly died before anyone else arrived from our family.  When all you can do is pray...I guess being the only one who knows what is going on is a gift.  You get the chance to call upon everything you have ever thought you believed in, in the rawness of the moment.  I only remember touching my Mom's arm and saying, "God, you are the only one who can really bring her back to me so I am begging you to make this happen.  I'm not ready for her to go because her soul is everything to me and she needs to know you first.  Please give her that chance."  I knew that if given the chance, I would tell her things much more bluntly than I ever had before.  We've talked about God but never have I put her on the spot in a 'less than delicate' way.    What would you do for the soul of another person?  I'm sure there are people in your life that need to know Jesus. Are you afraid they won't want to be near you if you press the issue?  When I was given another chance....as a gift from God...I grabbed my Mom's face on both sides, told her how much I love her and told her that I love her enough to tell her the blunt facts about why she must now make a serious decision about her relationship with Jesus.  Don't be impressed with what I did.  I only did it because I knew I had a responsibility that I was afraid of until that very moment.  Don't let your 'person' get to this point before you become urgent with their need for Jesus.  Its absolutely everything..

Mom now only has 10-20% of her left ventricle...that's the main muscle in the heart.  Another heart attack would probably be the end.  She will continue on chemo, in stage 4 Non-Hodgkin's Lymphoma you just cannot stop treatment.  She also has medication induced diabetes and has to give herself insulin.  Please keep her and my Dad in your prayers.  Mom is holding her own and we are still in the hospital (I'm doing this from the Family room here in the Oncology Unit)   Tough week folks, but I 've learned more than I ever could have imagined.  God is good...that holds true in any circumstances.  We see joy in the littlest things and things that seemed big one week ago are very insignificant...VERY insignificant.  You couldn't imagine the blessing of the conversations I've had with Mom, Dad and so many relatives this week.  Man, I am so incredibly loved by not only my family but by my heavenly father.  You are too!!