jneyhart's Xanga

Hello Friends

Fri, 30 May 2008 11:09:10 GMT

I haven't been on here in months. It seems to be my last priority these days. Maybe thats a good thing. I wanted to update things about our lives yet a few lines here in Xanga seem so simplistic. You may also go to facebook and look at my photo albums after I confirm you as a friend.

Tom and I are good, still seeking a job but we are blessed and provided for as God sees fit. My Mom is doing great. She is in the middle of three treatments but there is no chemo involved (monoclad antibodies for those of you who know cancer treatment). She is handling them like a trooper. She has even started driving again after a long year off. Just short trips but its a good start. Dad says she is keeping him busy!

Abby and Emily are gearing up for their recital. Abby is in her fifth year of ballet and Em in her second, although she chose tap this year. They are doing great and are really excited as the year winds down.

I have been working at the preschool/daycare at our church as a sub. It is now closing down. They decided to go a different route for the church and will reopen in the Fall as a preschool and after-school care facility only. Kinda sad because so many lost their jobs, but it is probably a better situation for the church. Some had been there as long as 12 years and were really invested...I loved it but it is ok.

I'm still photographing weddings. I have one this Saturday outside, its supposed to rain so it should be interesting! We've been planting the garden, although it isn't as big as normal because we don't know where we will be this Fall. Something just makes us doubt we will be in Crawfordsville...but we'll see!

We took a couple of days and took the girls to three state parks, Shades, McCormick's Creek and Brown County. Sure had a ball. It was fun watching the girls jump rocks to get across the river beds. They were trying to see who could keep their feet dry the longest. Abby laughed when Em got her toe wet...then a while later Abby stepped her full foot in the river and Em just roared...and continued to talk about it for the next two days! Ah, little sisters, we should all have one to keep us humble!

Better get off of here. Much to do in this beautiful day. Take care friends and God bless you as you live this life we've been so generously given. Don't take the easy days for granted.

"Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! In his great mercy he has given us new birth into a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, and into and inheritance that can never perish, spoil or fade-kept in heaven for you, who through faith are shielded by God's power until the coming of the salvation that is ready to be revealed in the last time."

Sunday, January 27, 2008

Sun, 27 Jan 2008 18:16:06 GMT

Anyone notice that the SON is shining today? ...oh yeah, the sun is too! Very cool coincidence...I think not.

The Mind is a Terrible Thing to Waste...

Fri, 25 Jan 2008 23:16:38 GMT

This girl shouldn't get bored...I'm thinking up ways to call and tease my friends. Sadly, it is entertaining me. It is a Friday night and we should be doing something. Anyone got any ideas besides board (bored) games, the tv and this stupid computer when it is absolutely freezing outside and you are pinching your pennies until the bleed? Send them to me and if they are entertaining enough I will post them...email...tjn1020@gmail.com.

Lets see...looks like that homemade carmel corn is gonna happen. OK...well its really microwave carmel corn but it will still work in a pinch. Its been there for way too long...needs to get into my tummy...glad I worked out this morning and am doing Tae Bo at the crack of dawn...thank you Anita!

My husband really enjoyed grilling outside tonight...I giggled while I looked out the window. We really need to get back to our normal lives. Just as soon as he finds this wonderful new job God has in store!!

Have a great Friday!
Jill

Wow, its been a while

Tue, 15 Jan 2008 13:43:02 GMT

Who would think so many months could go by and yet I had nothing to say. Thats not the Jill you all know and love, eh? Well, maybe thats a good thing. Sometimes you get all caught up in yourself and just either blab everything away and make no sense (you know the old saying, "Better to keep silent and look like a fool than to open your mouth and prove it.") or you go inside yourself. I fought the battle to not do either...sometimes losing miserably to both. Sometimes, not. This last nine months has literally taken all we know and depend on and put it in a blender and made it a puree. It has been our job to pick out the pieces of what is left and find a way to build a new life on them with only the direction of a bible and prayer. Ever made a milkshake? Think of taking it after you blended it and picking the milk out...good luck.

Now I'm not saying that it is impossible. You can go get training and specialized assistance and certainly take all the milk out of a milkshake. It all takes time and a ton of work. We will mess it up a few times and we will certainly make a few messes, but eventually we will have the experience to do exactly what it is that we have worked so hard to learn. Thats the way it is with the work we do for the good of the cause of Christ. We are being prepared to do "something". It may be as simple as offering a moment to someone in need or as complicated as leading the masses to the throne of Christ. Regardless, it takes preparation, work, faithfulness, endurance, focus and the ability to not let the grief that happens so often take over your soul. There is only one way. Jesus Christ. I am absolutely sure...one way, one door, one path, one Jesus. Look for the path, open the door, pay attention and listen to Jesus...he is there even when you are not. He will give you what you need when you need it...even when you didn't know you needed it. Do not depend on men, do not give up on men either, only God is perfect and he gave us Jesus so that someday we will be made perfect in Him. But until that day...be faithful. Forgive generously, love when you don't want to, give up resentment and bitterness. They will only hold you back from fulfilling the training God is generously giving you to use while you are here. Do you really want to miss living? Why would he give us life if it wasn't worth more that the grief we are bearing today? The grief will pass and you will get stronger if you let God use you for His good.

Just remain faithful...let God carry the load. If you get a chance, read Hebrews 11. You are not alone. Many good people remained faithful and never saw their promise until they saw God face to face. I hope that doesn't happen to any of us. But if it does, it will STILL be more that worth the suffering down here. Edify each other. Lift each other in prayer. Let people see why your light shines even when you are hurting. Oh...the sun just shined in on me through my door to might right. It was cloudy all morning...until now. I have it so good. I love you all!

Know you are blessed.
Jill

I finally have something to say...

Sun, 04 Nov 2007 01:37:26 GMT

I finally decided I have something to say. I got tired of hearing myself talk about things that were just sad so I decided to wait to post until I have something that crept into my thoughts as I read and did my bible study. Apparently that took nearly three months.

Here is what is on my heart tonight. I wonder what we would be like if we were given nothing but the bible to study and there were no great scholars to teach us at bible college. I mean nothing. No other books about the bible were in print. No one to tell us what any of it means "according to their intense studies and great knowledge". We would have the sole responsibility to find out exactly who our God is and why we need him. We would read without preconceived notions or directions to improve our "ways". Would we start at the beginning and end with Revelation? Would we ready the "dirty" part first? (Yeah, I was that kid that never wanted to get caught reading SOS, way to embarrassing. HA) Personal accountability with God and God only. We would begin the relationship with God and he would finish us. He could work in us simply because we chose him. A simple beautiful marriage without the influence of our world. It would be so pure and no one would have the right to tell you that you were doing something wrong because it would be a personal love affair with our Creator. Sort of like my relationship with Tom, no one else's business but yet an outsider could see something beautiful is there.

I wonder if more people would want the label "Christian" if we had a love affair with God and quit trying to impress people with what we "know and have experienced". I've had about enough of self-consumed Christianity. I want to figure out how to reach the really good people who aren't sure why they need Jesus. Sure wish I knew how. They seem to elude me. The word Christian just seems to have an edge to it that shuts them down. Of course, what does the church make it? Something to live "up" to. Wow, it is such a gift I don't deserve...but how do you explain that? Back to the book...the bible is calling me again. Guess I have work to do.

That's all I've got. I love you my friends and family. Goodnight and sleep well.

J

Update on Mom

Mon, 13 Aug 2007 14:02:41 GMT

Many of you have asked for an update on my Mom. She has handled this round of chemo better than the others but is still having complications. Her fluid retention is a constant hassle. She eats ok but not enough to gain weight so when she gains two pounds she has to contact her doctor to make sure that the fluids aren't building up around her heart and lungs again. We don't ever want to see that 30 pounds build up again. She's up about five pounds and has to go for tests today. Hopefully all will go well. She breathes very shallow and it is a serious problem if she doesn't work hard to gain that lung capacity back. CHF is almost as much of a problem as the cancer is. She needs to do cardiac rehab but this hot weather makes some things really hard for her to do without someone there to make sure she is ok.

Thanks for all your prayers. We have treatment number five, of six total, next Monday and number six is three weeks later. Pray for remission...and less complications from the heart attack and congestive heart failure. Treatment six will be followed with a PET scan that will check her 'hot spots' where the lymphoma was last time. We are hoping for the best and with stage four lymphoma Mom expects to have more treatments. I'd love it if God just showed her his power and stunned her with remission...very cool. She really needs to understand what God can do...in a big way!

Have a great Monday, my girls start school tomorrow...sigh. I'm not ready yet. How do parents get so happy about sending their kids back? Not me!

Confused by all the hype of the term 'Christian'

Thu, 09 Aug 2007 12:00:43 GMT

It seems my life has been a series of reflections lately. I have seen good people struggle with things that truly aren't their fault. Death, disease, ignorance, tolerance, abuse...all things that were perhaps placed in their lives by others or just the luck of the draw. So unfair, yet their 'thing' to deal with.

Then I look at people who have choices. Not necessaruly difficult choices, the freedom of choice we embrace as Americans, choices that disturb their lives or the lives of people that are connected to them and they chose to be unwise without regard to their circle of influence. People have to experience pain that was never intended for them to deal with because someone else, a parent, friend, child, fellow Christian, has decided that they can do what they want when they want to do it. Often these choices are made in the name of 'Christian' love. It just turns my stomach.

I think it is time that we embrace what God asks of us: feed the poor, help the needy, be ready to explain what Jesus has done for us rather than defend a weakened image of the term 'Christian'. I've been hurt by the Christians in my life more than the non-Christians ever have. Maybe it is because I feel the Christians should know better...God gave us an instruction book. So much of our lives are dictated by how we 'feel' rather than the thing God put in our gut to know right from wrong. It seems that people think that the feeling of emotion is the same thing as a sign from God or a gut instinct. Its easy to believe if you have never been taught to test the Spirit of where the 'feeling' is coming from. We owe this world an apology as Christians for all of those who came before us with ignorance or selfish ambition and used the term Christian for personal gain or control over others. I'd rather be known for being difficult or weird with good intentions, than to be a Christian who used the 'faith' to try to gain power in the Christian community. Is it all about me, or Jesus? Depends on the day sometimes, eh? That's the sad truth. Sometimes we are so lost in our own crap we forget why we are here. "Jesus loves me this I know, for the bible tells me so." Simple as a child's song...the only reason I'm here right now is because Jesus loved me first. Otherwise I wouldn't even be a blip on the radar.

Here we go...

Sat, 28 Jul 2007 23:40:50 GMT

Tomorrow (Sunday) I leave to go to my parent's home. Mom will have round four of her chemotherapy Monday morning at 9 am. I really am hopeful that this time will go better. She is keeping a great attitude and working hard to gain strength each day. We are having a PT come to the house to help her get her cardio strength back as well as a visiting nurse three days each week. I'm not sure when the PT will start, soon I hope. One day at a time, eh?

The girls and Tom are hanging in there with us and trying not to let this get them down. Abby is disappointed that we haven't gotten to really enjoy this summer much but totally understands why I have to be with Grandma and Grandpa. Its hard to believe that school starts in nearly two weeks.

Thanks for the many prayers and thoughts as we continue to help Mom fight this battle. Pray for strength, courage, endurance and especially for Mom to figure out what is holding her back in her faith. She is a smart lady...and a tough one.

Remember what is really important today...Jill

Share Jesus...Just do it.

Tue, 10 Jul 2007 20:43:15 GMT

Funny, I was thinking about my last post when I asked the question something like, "Are you afraid people won't want to be near you if you share your faith in Jesus with them?" I was thinking today about how far apart you will be when they don't go to Heaven. Suddenly them not wanting to be near you here is insignificant.

Pray for my parents please...every prayer matters...every single one. Pray for all the lost. Then love on them.

Love to you my friends!

Mom's heart attack

Sat, 07 Jul 2007 17:05:06 GMT

The course of the last week has challenged me in a way that I never could've seen coming, my Mom had a chemo treatment that led to breathing complications that occurred on our way home. We flew to the nearest ER and she ended up having a severe heart attack just after we arrived. I used to think I was afraid of chemo...it's a piece of cake compared to a heart attack. Mom nearly died before anyone else arrived from our family. When all you can do is pray...I guess being the only one who knows what is going on is a gift. You get the chance to call upon everything you have ever thought you believed in, in the rawness of the moment. I only remember touching my Mom's arm and saying, "God, you are the only one who can really bring her back to me so I am begging you to make this happen. I'm not ready for her to go because her soul is everything to me and she needs to know you first. Please give her that chance." I knew that if given the chance, I would tell her things much more bluntly than I ever had before. We've talked about God but never have I put her on the spot in a 'less than delicate' way. What would you do for the soul of another person? I'm sure there are people in your life that need to know Jesus. Are you afraid they won't want to be near you if you press the issue? When I was given another chance....as a gift from God...I grabbed my Mom's face on both sides, told her how much I love her and told her that I love her enough to tell her the blunt facts about why she must now make a serious decision about her relationship with Jesus. Don't be impressed with what I did. I only did it because I knew I had a responsibility that I was afraid of until that very moment. Don't let your 'person' get to this point before you become urgent with their need for Jesus. Its absolutely everything..

Mom now only has 10-20% of her left ventricle...that's the main muscle in the heart. Another heart attack would probably be the end. She will continue on chemo, in stage 4 Non-Hodgkin's Lymphoma you just cannot stop treatment. She also has medication induced diabetes and has to give herself insulin. Please keep her and my Dad in your prayers. Mom is holding her own and we are still in the hospital (I'm doing this from the Family room here in the Oncology Unit) Tough week folks, but I 've learned more than I ever could have imagined. God is good...that holds true in any circumstances. We see joy in the littlest things and things that seemed big one week ago are very insignificant...VERY insignificant. You couldn't imagine the blessing of the conversations I've had with Mom, Dad and so many relatives this week. Man, I am so incredibly loved by not only my family but by my heavenly father. You are too!!